Editor's Note: It is also worth noting, my writing style has improved significantly since the time of this writing in August of 2007!
A Day at Gridline Games
A retooling of "A Day at Goalsoft."
Table of Contents
- Chapter 1: Enter Gridline Games
-- Part 1: The Day Begins
-- Part 2: Beyond the Blue Door
-- Part 3: Cryptic Clue
-- Part 4: Discovery in the Closet
-- Part 5: Here Comes the Nutter
- Chapter 2: Space Monkeys Everywhere!
-- Part 1: Battle-Lines
-- Part 2: Delicious Brownies
-- Part 3: Monkey See, Monkey Do
-- Part 4: A Man Among Apes
-- Part 5: Recruitment Sucks
-- Part 6: Space Monkey Software is Full of Shit!
- Chapter 3: The Space Ruckus Conundrum
-- Part 1: Lather, Rinse, Repeat
-- Part 2: Emergency Meeting
-- Part 3: Conspiracy Theories
-- Part 4: Lockdown
- Chapter 4: Space Monkey Software Must Die!
-- Part 1: War!
-- Part 2: Operation Dumbo Drop
-- Part 3: Galactic Struggle III
-- Part 4: Who Am I?
-- Part 5: Dave Versus the Goliath
Chapter 1: Enter Gridline Games
Now with less alien bi-product!
Part 1: The Day Begins
The day began just like any other. Every parking space designated for Gridline Games had been taken as a result of the business next door. Those Space Monkey Software employees really need to learn how to read. As I entered the office, meelWORM greeted me with a line of sexual innuendo, as usual. I proceeded to get my morning coffee, but the machine was broken again. Oh, what foul luck. I walked toward the blue door, beyond which lies the Space Ruckus development center. On the door, a note had been placed, which read, "Keep out!" Surely, this note was not meant for me. I confidently opened the door...
Part 2: Beyond the Blue Door
From the moment that I entered the room, I knew that something was amiss. Every computer terminal was on, but not one developer was present. I called meelWORM into the room, and after he had finished screwing around with the life sized female Velorian statue standing in the main hall, he joined me. However, he carried on for a few moments thereafter about his cockrot. I told him that there are bigger problems at hand, and he eventually came around. meelWORM told me that Allen had been through the office earlier in the morning, but that he had not seen him since. This is some unreliable office we have here, I thought. I asked meelWORM to check the other rooms, while I pilfered through the computer terminals...
Part 3: Cryptic Clue
First, I dug through the files on Allen's computer terminal, but found little information that would prove useful. However, I did discover that he was a huge fan of Doctor Who, as his computer was filled to the brim with pictures of the TARDIS, the ten official doctors, and even the five unofficial doctors. Next, I proceeded to Gordon's computer terminal, and found something truly bizarre. It appeared as though he had been leaking models online. This is something that demanded attention, but as it was not the cause of the immediate problem, I pressed onward. Finally, I approached Mike's computer terminal, but before I could access the file menu, meelWORM returned with a funny look on his face...
Part 4: Discovery in the Closet
meelWORM told me to follow him. He led me to the other side of the office. It was an area that we had not used in quite a while, as was evident by the cobwebs and rusty paint. meelWORM proceeded to open a door that had not been used in just as long. It was merely a closet, but what we found inside was shocking. Someone had tied up James, and left him for dead. It took every fiber of meelWORM's being to prevent himself from making a closet joke. I untied James, who had also been gagged, and he began to explain what happened to him, with profane details therein. To spare the reader, the short explanation was that Marlon, whom James referred to as a fat slob, had enough of his attitude, and tied him up in the closet. meelWORM and I were at that moment more puzzled than we had ever been. Marlon had not worked with the company for years. In fact, neither had James. What were they doing here, we wondered...
Part 5: Here Comes the Nutter
Before meelWORM and I could even begin to piece together the mysterious puzzle, Allen yelled out from across the office. He seemed to have been looking for us, just as much as we had been looking for him. Allen informed us that he had been over at the Space Monkey Software building, where he found that many of our developers were being recruited for various roles. He, of course, was not seduced by the dark side. Although, he admitted that they did have delicious brownies. meelWORM and I were furious. We decided to head over there immediately. I briefly looked back, and noticed that James had run off. Now, where could he be going in such a hurry...
Chapter 2: Space Monkeys Everywhere!
Now with more monkey-like behavior!
Part 1: Battle-Lines
Allen, meelWORM, and I made our way to the offices of Space Monkey Software. A task that may have been made easier if someone had not decided to dig a trench between our building and theirs, and line it with barbed wire. Thankfully for us, no mines had been placed in the ground. However, that did not stop meelWORM from having a few explosions of his own. While climbing out of the trench, I managed to cut myself on the barbed wire, but it was not severe. meelWORM offered to suck the wound, but I declined. Finally, we approached the entrance to the building, and prepared to match wits with our rivals...
Part 2: Delicious Brownies
As we entered the office, I could smell a delectable aroma. Allen pointed out the brownies that were setting on a nearby table. I wondered if they were using them as a ploy to draw in prospective developers, or if there was something even more devious going on. Before I knew it, meelWORM made a beeline for the table. In his wake, not one brownie remained. If there was something more devious about them, we were about to find out. meelWORM began to get an upset stomach. Although, there was no mystery there. He had just engulfed a table full of brownies. Not long thereafter, strange noises began to originate from meelWORM's rectum. He decided to retreat, and find a toilet somewhere in the building...
Part 3: Monkey See, Monkey Do
Allen and I proceeded further into the office. We peaked into a few rooms, and found a number of programmers glued to their computer terminals. At first glance, we did not see any of our own developers, but then Allen spotted someone. It was none other than Mike, the founder of Gridline Games. We stood there for a few moments in an attempt to figure out what the hell was going on, and finally, we decided to make our move. We grabbed Mike from the room, and ran back into the hall. Allen and I tried to get through to Mike, but he was unresponsive. It was then that we realized we were surrounded by corporate suits. They began to evaluate our presence using corporate lingo that we could barely understand. We had no choice but to go quietly...
Part 4: A Man Among Apes
Allen and I were led down a dark and narrow corridor. There was a light at the end. We were thankful that meelWORM was not with us. Not because he would inevitably make a sexual reference, but because he was still free to roam the building. The light became clear at the end of the corridor. We were in the office of whomever was behind Space Monkey Software. The man in question was sitting behind a fancy looking desk. As not to reveal himself, his chair was facing away from us. He began to speak, and as he did, his words echoed throughout the room. We did not belong here, and this made him very upset. Allen attempted to get a peak at the man, but one of the corporate suits pulled him back. He ordered us to be re-educated, and put to work for Space Monkey Software, as per the guidelines. We then realized that they were not using any ordinary means of recruitment...
Part 5: Recruitment Sucks
Allen and I were knocked unconscious, and awoke in a strange room. We could see quite a bit of computer equipment, tubes, and wiring around us. Directly above our heads were a series of suction cup-like devices. For what purpose, we could only imagine. Refusing to allow those monkeys to screw with my head, I did my best to break the restraints on my arms and legs. I failed miserably at my attempts. Just as I gave up, several monitors were powered up around the room, while one of the suction cup-like device grasped my head, and another grasped Allen's. A voice told me that it was futile to resist. Where had I heard that before. We could really use meelWORM's assistance about now. That must be one hell of a bowel movement that he was making...
Part 6: Space Monkey Software is Full of Shit!
Just as all hope had been lost, I noticed that a pipe in the corner had begun to leak, and that a foul odor was slowly filling the room. The leak appeared to be in the form of a thick brownish substance. Allen and I looked at each other with a sickened expression, and then back at the pipe. Then, through sheer force alone, the pipe exploded. The thick brownish substance covered the room, as well as Allen and I. In the process, it shorted out the computer equipment. Our restraints were broken, so we made a run for it. We regrouped with meelWORM in the hall, who had a refreshed look on his face. Amidst the chaos that the pipe burst caused, we had time to rescue our brain washed team, and escape from Space Monkey Software, but that was not the end of the story. No, that was only the beginning...
Suction Cup-Like Device
Chapter 3: The Space Ruckus Conundrum
Now with less brownies!
Part 1: Lather, Rinse, Repeat
Before returning to the offices of Gridline Games, Mike ordered the team to wash up. He did not want anyone tracking shit onto the shiny floor. It just so happens that Gridline Games is equipped with a company wash room. However, thanks to the antics of a certain team member, a sign had to be placed within the room, which read, "Do not bend over!" It took quite some time to cleanse ourselves of fecal matter. A fact which meelWORM seemed to take pride in. Eventually, everyone had finished washing up, and returned to the office...
Part 2: Emergency Meeting
As I entered the office, I noticed that Mike was on the phone with the police regarding the recent Space Monkey Software situation. Unfortunately for us, they did not believe the brain washing story. It is easily more believable than, say, a group of Velorians invading the office through a trans-dimensional portal. Following Mike's disappointing conversation with the police, he ordered an emergency meeting in the board room. I was the third team member to arrive, followed by Alan, Allen, Alwin, Aubrey, Bala, Eero, Eigen...(takes a breath)...Harrison, Jovani, meelWORM, Oliver, Patrick, Trevor, and Vlad. Just as Mike began to speak, I realized that someone was still missing. I could not seem to recall whether or not Gordon came back with us, and then I remembered my discovery in Chapter 1, Part 3: Cryptic Clue. Yes, I was remembering things as if they were chapters in an ongoing convoluted story...
Part 3: Conspiracy Theories
I turned to Eero, who was sitting next to me during the meeting, and told him about the models that Gordon had been leaking. This led to a number of interesting conspiracy theories on his part, some crazier than others. Could Gordon be releasing models simply to boost his own portfolio, or was something even more sinister going on. Eero and I decided to interrupt Mike's speech, as interesting as it may have been. We informed him of the situation, and he ordered an immediate lockdown of the project assets. meelWORM offered his unique brand of help, but we decided to let him sit this one out...
Part 4: Lockdown
Eero and I proceeded to the Space Ruckus development center, where we initiated a system wide shutdown. Following that, I once again accessed Gordon's computer terminal, but this time, I had a clear agenda. I peaked through the online community, where he had leaked the models, and noticed something funny about one of the replies. It was from a member named "horowitz1985." He seemed very pleased with the model release. I pointed this out to Eero, and he recalled a Brian Horowitz. He had recently stepped down as the CEO of Space Monkey Software. Wait, how did they fit into all of this, I thought. I decided to open Gordon's e-mail, and see if any more clues would turn up. Here at Gridline Games, nobody bothers to password protect their e-mail. A practice that dates back to the Smart Guy affair. Sure enough, there was an e-mail exchange between Brian and Gordon. The contents of which were shocking. It would seem that Gordon was working for Brian long before joining Gridline Games. Not only that, but Gordon had taken the place of Brian as the CEO of Space Monkey Software. At that point, Eero passed out. I jabbed him a bit with my shoe, but he would not wake up. It was a conspiracy theory that not even he could have envisioned...
Chapter 4: Space Monkey Software Must Die!
Now with more sweet revenge!
Part 1: War!
I had seen and heard a lot of shit throughout that day, both literally and figuratively, but what I had just read took the cake. It was chocolate filled, with strawberries on top! I decided to drag Eero's unconscious body back to the board room. I suppose that I could have left him behind, but we were in the midst of a lockdown. I informed Mike that the situation was much worse than we had originally thought. He had no choice but to put "Operation Dumbo Drop" into effect. At that moment, everyone in the room gasped. It had only been used once before, and not very successfully. Patrick had not been the same since...
Part 2: Operation Dumbo Drop
I had stood by Mike's side for many years. He laughed at my stories, and I laughed at his games. In a positive fashion, of course. Thus, I decided to be the drop man. Mike led me to the rooftop of the Gridline Games building, where a catapult had been placed. The logic behind this method of infiltration was never made clear. I just did what I was told, and stood on the catapult. I could only hope that this did not end with the sucking of asphalt. Mike released the lever, and I went soaring high above the two buildings. Thankfully for my sake, a laundry basket broke my fall on the rooftop of the Space Monkey Software building. Not so thankfully, it was the dirty laundry from the brownie incident. I hopped out of the basket, and disguised myself in one of their outfits, as disgusting as it may have been. Following that, I found a rooftop entrance to the building...
Part 3: Galactic Struggle III
As I entered the building, I could overhear a conversation about Space Monkey Software's first game in over two decades. It would seem that they had finally brainstormed a successful idea. I found that to be highly unlikely. I decided to get a little closer, and noticed two men working at a computer terminal. On the screen, I saw what appeared to be Space Ruckus, but the title bar read Galactic Struggle III. As if that were not shocking enough, the two men were none other than James and Marlon. Wait just one minute. We had found James tied up in our closet, and discovered that Marlon was the one who placed him there. Obviously, Marlon hates James, but still, they were both working for Space Monkey Software...
Part 4: Who Am I?
Just as I was about to enter a state of total shock, Gordon appeared from behind. He did not seem to recognize me, even though we had worked together at Gridline Games. He ordered that I have my suit cleaned, and then began to walk off. Just then, he stopped in his tracks, and turned around. The first word out of his mouth was, "Dave!" Well, he seemed to have remembered me after all, but now I was in his clutches. Gordon ordered James and Marlon to escort me to his office. I was on my own this time. No man, god, or fecal matter would save me now...
Part 5: Dave Versus the Goliath
After leading me to Gordon's office, James and Marlon made their exit. It was just Gordon and I now. He promised that I would be punished for twice breaking into the building. He gave me one chance to redeem myself. Gordon demanded that we duel. He loaded a pistol for himself, and handed me a slingshot. I did not have a very good feeling about this. We began by standing back to back. Gordon took two paces, turned, and then fired on my back. Lucky for me, he had bad aim, and hit a gas pipe instead. On second thought, that might have been just as bad. The room quickly caught fire, and Gordon jumped out the window. I was not about to follow in his foot steps. We were on the third floor. I made a run for it, and battled the blaze all of the way down to the front entrance. Space Monkey Software was no longer merely covered in shit. It was now a flaming pile of shit. I regrouped with my Gridline Games team members, and we watched as our rivals' building burned to the ground. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I say...
Oh, and we are now in need of a replacement 3D modeler. I just thought that I would put that out there. This has been some day...
The End... Or is it? Yes, yes it is.
Cowboy Dave